Welcome friends...I write to you tonight freshly home from Greenville, NC...aka home of East Carolina University and capitol of very little...haha. I travelled with a friend, Kaitlin, for an interview and we had a good time :) I'll keep you posted on the outcome :)
So, I thought I would try to stir the comments section up with a little controversial material called "female over-reaction." I know you men out there are probably quite familiar with this so-called phenomena. It is responsible for much discord and mishap in the relationship. Though it is never our intention as girls to do something to cause our relationships to be put in this state, often we misread a most harmless occurrence as the end of the world.
It can happen to any couple...you'll be going along and then bang...something seemingly innocent happens and the girl is going off. Some girls really don't get it that they have totally had a disconnect. But usually with a little time to reflect we get it. I guess sometimes it is an attention ploy...to get you guys to talk to us or pay attention a little, but it often leaves me feeling really bad for having done it. Why? usually because it ends up in a fight...cuz the guy feels attacked and the girl feels neglected. It truly is a most dizzying cycle.
I can almost imagine the scene that takes place in the guys head when something like this happens...correct me if I'm wrong guys. Once this has occurred...the guy is trying to make it better without it turning into a fight...but then the girl says something that makes you feel attacked and your instinct is to fight back. (P.S. guys are MUCH better at fighting than girls. And though the situation is not always how it appears, guys usually can make more sense out of it than girls) It also seems to be fairly common for guys just to "need some space" after a fight... I will be the first one to tell you that this is VERY hard for me to comprehend. After a fight I want to work it out right then so that we can "kiss and make up" as soon as possible...I think this is because we are built with natural insecurities (which by the way ARE the guys responsibility for at least trying to smooth over and build us up) that a fight feeds into.
The female thought process is delicately tied to her emotions. Her mood, most always, will dictate the way something is interpreted. This leaves guys in a most difficult position because they are not mind readers (Fun Fact: neither are girls). Girls want guys to just "get it" meaning understand what they want all the time...I will be the first one to say that it isn't like that. Not that guys are complete imbeciles, cuz I think sometimes they "get it" more than they let on, ...but communication is the key to a good relationship. But I know this issue is something we will have to deal with till the Lord returns...I sometimes wonder if God, in His sense of humor, laughs when the misunderstanding is had...if you think about it...the stuff we fight about usually is pretty funny or stupid. Pick your battles ladies and gentlemen. Oh one piece of advice...Don't go to sleep angry....this doesn't mean that everything has to be perfect and completely better...but don't be angry with the person you love while you sleep. I think you will find that you will sleep better with problems going on if you at least set the anger aside. Who knows...maybe things will be clearer too.
P.S. comments are welcome
~Dr. Jess, M.D.
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Alrighty, comment time, finally.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, it may or may not be true that guys are "better" at fighting than girls, but one thing I am certain of is this: girls are much more bush league when it comes to tactics used in a fight. Guys, for the most part, understand there are certain things you just don't say or bring up, because those things could be really deeply hurtful. Girls, on the other hand, won't hesitate to bust stuff like that out as soon as they get mad at somebody. I guess you could say it's like the verbal equivalent of kicking somebody in the balls; effective if you're trying to inflict pain, but you shouldn't do it.
Second, I'm not big on "having space." I like to get fights over with, and then get back to normal. I can't speak for every other guy on the planet, but that's the way I see it. I don't like the natural flow of life to be disrupted by conflicts, especially ones over stupid crap.
Finally, as far as guys "getting it"... girls are, as you said, emotionally driven, and that doesn't always make sense to us, so if we look like we don't get it, we probably don't. If we did and just didn't let on, that would involve playing some kind of game, which is more of a girl thing than a guy thing. I don't like games.
So there's my crude assessment and response.
Haha...well I think there is a fair share of bush league fighting from guys. Whether they realize it or not their comments are sometimes as hurtful as girls can sometimes be. And contrary to popular belief, we don't attack just because we want to or have no self-restraint...but usually when we have been hurt it makes us feel like we can fight right back.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I am not a fan of games either, and it is something i have to work at being better because i sometimes fall into the overexaggeration mode during a fight...usually cuz i'm hurt and i don't understand and i'm not (most of the time) physically there to "make up." But it would be nice for you to "rub off" on the members of your sex so that they would learn how to talk more...haha :)
And there is MY crude assessment and response to your crude assessment and response...haha ;)